FirstYearFredStories @FirstYearFred

#FirstYearFred #teaching #DidntWantToCome #SorryImLate

Fred emails me and I always reply. I emailed Fred and almost never get a reply. Sigh. #FirstYearFred #email #PleaseReply

In 2019, #FirstYearFred seriously asked if I held office hours on Saturday. #TheyDontPayMeEnough

Oh #FirstYearFred, you poor thing. Don't you know I wrote your syllabus AND midterm? I think it's safe to say I know when the deadline is and how much it's worth. #college #teaching #CluelessFred

Read your email. That's it. That's the tweet. #FirstYearFred #emails #ItsInTheSyllabus #ReadingComprehension

These #SeniorYearSam students are killing me. They didn't apply to graduation bc they wanted to exclude a class that would then make them ineligible for graduation. Then they wanted to add a class (5 wks into the term) to finish a minor that they've known about for months.

It's the 10th anniversary of the time I caught #FirstYearFred cheating on an in class quiz because I look like an undergrad. It was still one of my favorite memories, because they sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME. What are the odds?! #JumpStreet #DontCheat

Me: Emails a group of professors that they're getting evaluated. Then emails all professors asking if they want to be evaluated if they aren't already on the list. Faculty Fred: I don't think I'm on the list. Me, looking at the list they are clearly on: 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ #FacultyFred

Today, I am #FirstYearFred, as I forgot the keys to my office because I carpooled with my partner, who also doesn't have office keys because it's his first week on the job 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

2 years ago, when #FirstYearFred was attempting my class for a 4th time, he missed a bunch of work because he "had Covid". When asked for a positive test result, there was none to be found... But I was free to ask his pre-med roomie (which is not a major at my school) 🤦‍♀️

The sickest burn I could ever deliver to #FirstYearFred would be "Your parents raised you improperly." Too bad I can never actually utter that phrase and still keep my job. #IYKYK #NoContextForYou

You know you're a First Year Fred when you email your advisor Friday night and Saturday morning, expecting a reply, to something that's not the least bit time sensitive. #FirstYearFred #TheMoreYouKnow #IYKYK

2017 was a banner year 4 Fred. Like that time they brought their mother to my office hours and swore they did their homework. I then proceeded to show them their Moodle logs and ask questions about said assignments they couldn't answer. #FirstYearFred #DoYourHomework #DontLieToMe

4. Swore they had enough AP credits to graduate in 3 years (they didn't) 5. Asked how to get enrolled in a research class, so I sent them step by step instructions and they couldn't follow them... 2/2 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ #FirstYearFred #IsItDecemberYet #FiveCheersForFred #SendHelp

5 Freds from the last 5 years: 1. Dropped a class they thought wasn't counting toward their degree (it was) 2. Prioritized HI over CH, when CH was required to get into their major 3. Couldn't math (swore they were in 12 hours when they were in 11 and needed to be full time) 1/2

Fred: I accidentally dropped this class can you help me re-enroll. Us: sure Teacher: Fred hasn't been on my roll and didn't attend last week. Us: Looks into it and sees Fred dropped LAST WEEK on the first day of classes. Also us: (see gif) #FirstYearFred #DontLieToMe

From 2020, sometime in the afternoon, during business hours: "First Year Fred just called my office phone because I hadn't replied to his email in (checks notes) one hour... 🤦‍♀️" #FirstYearFred #ImpatientFred #IsItDecemberYet #SendHelp

First Year Fred just emailed at 10:30 pm the night before a credit by exam offered at 10:00 am. They claim to have registered "over a month ago" but couldn't provide the confirmation email when asked. #FirstYearFred #MoodleIsWatching #GoogleFormsTrackEverything #DontLieToMe

Fred emailed me back today, 2 weeks after the original email and 1 week into the start of the Fall semester. They haven't paid tuition and only planned 2 of the 5 classes. It's 4:20 pm on a Friday. 2/2 #SeniorYearFred #HelpThemGraduate #SendMeHelp #IsItDecemberYet

I emailed Senior Fred on Aug 12 and asked 5 questions. They have 5 classes left to graduate (they keep failing things and then taking on too much because they need to graduate, it's a vicious cycle). 1/2